she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think I won the penis lottery.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
