I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
