eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
