I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
