Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
