She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
