Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
