I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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