just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I love having hate sex.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Houston, we have a squirter
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
