I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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