Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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