i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
