I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
