you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
