Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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