if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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