She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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