They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
