sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
