Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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