And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
no you cant smoke seaweed
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Oh god it's open bar.
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