absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
