I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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