What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
