brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
