Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We are two peas in an std pod
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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