my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
