Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
