is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
