yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
