I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
