I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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