Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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