Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
