apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
