Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
