i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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