I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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