Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
