i don't like sucking hair
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
