Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
