I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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