"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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