is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
