I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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