is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
