ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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