God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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