I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
