Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
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i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
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nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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