maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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