new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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