I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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