I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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