be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
