Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
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