Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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