Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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