Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
