Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my phone needs a breathalizer
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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