I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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