the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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