there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
