She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
