you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
