Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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