She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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