this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
