woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
