I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
