I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
