My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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