Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do flat chested girls get laid?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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