Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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